As others were making their holiday plans,
My heart was breaking – I couldn’t understand.
I had lost my dear child just a few months before,
And I knew what my holiday had in store.

When out of nowhere, there arose such a sound,
I sprang to my feet and was looking around,
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash

The sight that I saw took my breath away,
And my tears turned to smiles in the light of the day.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a cluster of butterflies fluttering near.

With beauty and grace they performed a dance,
I knew in a moment this wasn’t by chance.
The hope that they gave me was a sign from above,
That my child was still near me and that I was loved.

The message they brought was my holiday gift,
And I cried when I saw them in spite of myself.
As I knelt closer to get a better view,
One allowed me to pet it – as if it knew –

That I needed the touch of its fragile wings,
To help me get through the holiday scene.
In the days that followed I carried the thought,
Of the message the butterflies left in my heart –

That no matter what happens or what days lie ahead,
Our children are with us – they’re not really dead.
Yes – the message of the butterflies still rings in my ears,
A message of hope – a message so dear.

And I imagined they sang as they flew out of sight,
To all bereaved parents – We love you tonight!

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Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy,  scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in awhile one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

Look! said one of the water bugs to another. one of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she is going? Up – up – up it slowly went….Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn’t return…

That’s funny! said one water bug to another. Wasn’t she happy here? asked a second… Where do you suppose she went? wondered a third.

No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled. Finally one of the water bugs,  a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together. I have an idea. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why.

We promise – they said solemnly.

One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up, he went. Before he knew what was happening,  he had broke through the surface of the water and fallen onto the broad,  green lily pad above.

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn’t believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings…The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly!!

Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before.

The dragonfly remembered the promise: the next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why. Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water…

I can’t return! he said in dismay. At least, I tried. But I can’t keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I’ll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they’ll understand what has happened to me, and where I went.

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Although I try to find the me that I used to be
I will never find that person for she is lost to me.

I know it sounds confusing to those that have no clue
That when you lose a child, you also then lose you.

It sounds like one big riddle that I should work on through
But there is not an answer, not one thing that I can do

Grief is what has come to me and changed me from within
It has burrowed deep inside of me, like it’s a second skin.

No one should live on this way but there was little choice
When grief was handed out to me I didn’t have a voice.

I often wonder who I am since losing my sweet child
In the world in which we live in I’ve been forced into denial.

With every anniversary that marks another year
Are thoughts that come from others that my pain should disappear.

I am a mother that has lost a child, on a tragic day
With that loss it took my dreams and visions far away.

I would have chose to leave instead for life is not so good
For all that ever mattered was my son and motherhood.

Author unknown

The post The day I lost me too appeared first on A Child of Mine.

Shine On Luna Bliss

Turn left at the butterflies
Pass the rabbit as you go
Where a multitude of colours
Will embrace you like a rainbow

A world of faith, a world of hope
A world of colours never seen
A world of joy, a world of Love
And eternal moonlight dreams

Shine On Luna Bliss

As I fell into your Universe eyes
And you into mine
In your final moments here
I desired only one thing

To come with you
And be by your side
For all time
As my whispers warmed your head
And my tears washed your face
I fought so hard to keep you here
And you fought hard to stay

Shine On Luna Bliss

I don’t know what’s out there
My little one
But I do know this
It’ll be a far better place
For having you there
As this place you leave today
Is even more wonderful
For having had you here
Just for these few short moments
Which were so, so brief
Like a single beat of a butterfly’s wing

Shine On Luna Bliss

To me
For all time
You will remain
A symbol for all that is pure
All that is good
And all that is loved
Untouched
Your colours will remain
Embracing this world
For our forever

So take your tiny hand now
From mine
And go gently, sweet thing
Turn left at the butterflies
Pass the rabbit as you go
Where a multitude of colours
Will embrace you like a rainbow

A world of faith, a world of hope
A world of colours never seen
A world of joy, a world of Love
And eternal moonlight dreams

And I’ll be right there with you
My precious child
I’ll be with you…
In a single beat of a butterfly’s wing

Shine On Luna Bliss

All my love forever. Your Dad.

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Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she is gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

David Harkins

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One less open laugh and little boy giggle,
One less challenging tete-a-tete;
One less artful, winking manipulation,
One less word of comfort, one less grateful hug.

One less chance to embrace my Son;
One less new life to carry your eyes, your chin, your grin, your name,
No one word for the pain, the longing, the brevity
Of a life meant for living; an old soul meant to grow older than mine;

Would there be any one price too high, any sacrifice too great,
For one more moment, one more breath, one more warm touch;
I grasp desperately and sense the closeness –
the ONE just at the fingertips of my heart and mind,

Only to realise again and again and again,
There is no One – you are gone and I am – less.

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Each day I wear them and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step

Yet, I continue to wear them
I get funny looks wearing these shoes
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs
They never talk about my shoes
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.

But – once you put them on,  you can never take them off.
I now realize I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.

Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.

Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt

No woman deserves to wear these shoes

They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Author unknown

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I watch her lay awake at night
And go to hold her hand.
She doesn’t know I’m with her
to help her understand.

But like the sands on the beach
That never was away…
I watch over my surviving mom,
Who thinks of me each day.

She wears a smile for other…
A smile of disguise!
But through Heaven’s door I see
Tears flowing from her eyes.

My mom tries to cope with my death
By keeping my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows
It is her way to survive.

As I watch over my surviving mom
Through Heaven’s open door…
I try to tell her that angels
protect me forevermore.

I know that doesn’t help her…
Or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance – go visit her…
And show her that you care.

For no matter what she says…
No matter what she feels.
My surviving mom has a broken heart
That time WON’T EVER HEAL!!

Kay Des’Ormeaux

The post My mom is a survivor appeared first on A Child of Mine.