The hospital should be able to offer your family a short blessing or ceremony for your child, or they can also call your own religious leader for you if required. The staff at the hospital will be fully trained to help you during this time and they will be able to offer specialist teams of staff who would be pleased to talk to you.

You will be able to spend time with your child as a family, and any special toys or mementos will be able to stay with them if you desire. You can make up a remembrance card of foot/hand prints, a lock of hair and a photo if you would like  but talk to the nurses who can arrange this and if there is anything else you would like to know or need help, as they will be there to assist in anyway possible.

Most families will leave their child at the hosptial until they have contacted a funeral director. The hospital will take your child to rest in the hospital mortuary, but they will have a special room where you may want to go back and spend some time with your child, although this should be arranged with the senior nurse on the ward.

If there is no Coroner’s referral or the need for a Post Mortem you may think about taking your child home, or somewhere else that you choose. If you do this before registering the death there will be some forms that will have to be completed and you will be given a letter of consent to take with you. Again please talk the nurses in charge who will guide you.

The Coroner

In some circumstances doctors cannot immediately issue a death certificate and they are then obliged to inform the Coroner. Usually this occurs because the doctor is uncertain of the cause of death, or the death has occurred very suddenly or soon after an operation. The Coroner will then decide whether it will be necessary to have a postmortem examination. If a post-mortem is legally required by the Coroner, it will be carried out regardless of the family’s wishes. The Coroner’s Office will contact the family to tell them when to collect the form from the office. The Coroner then issues a form to be taken to the Registrar authorising the issue of a death certificate. The delay is rarely more than a few days.

Hospital Postmortem

The hospital’s doctor may ask your permission to perform a postmortem not for legal reasons, but to gain more information about your child’s illness and to increase medical knowledge for the benefit of other children with a similar condition. If this is the case,  the doctor will discuss it with you, explain what is involved and ask you to sign a consent form. It will not involve any delay in giving you the death certificate. The consent form states the nature and extent of the post-mortem examination, and your explicit permission is required for retention of any organ or tissue for any purpose. You will be given an explanatory booklet which may answer some of your questions.

Many parents find they have many questions unanswered as they think about the period of their child’s illness and death. It can be helpful to come back to the hospital sometime later to talk over these questions.

The hospital should have a non religious book of rememberance that your child’s details can be entered. If you would like your child to be included contact the hospital’s Chaplain – who will be able to help.

When a child dies at home

When someone dies at home,  their GP should be called as soon as possible. The GP will normally visit the house and, if the death was expected, should be able to issue a certificate giving the cause of death. If the person did not have a GP or you do not know the name of the GP, an ambulance should be called instead.

If a doctor is not able to issue a certificate,  it is because they are unsure about the cause of death. The death must then be reported to a coroner. The body will be taken to a hospital mortuary, where a post mortem may need to take place.

*You should also be aware that if you have to call an ambulance the Police will be automatically called too. The ambulance crew will also try to resuscitate your child, unless you have a do not resuscitate letter from your hospital/GP.

When a parent dies, you lose your past; when a child dies, you lose your future. – Anonymous

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You will need to register the death with the British Consulate. They will be able to advise you on all the practical aspects of repatriation and help you work with the local authorities; they will also help and advise how to book transport back to the UK for you and the body. Click Here to find the British Embassy/Consulate in the country you are in.

To register the death you will need:

• Full name of the child
• Date of birth
• Passport information – When and where issued and passport number
• Next of kin

The death will be recorded in the General Registry Office and you will be able to obtain a death certificate from them if needed:

General Register Office
Smedley Hudro
Trafalgar Road
Birkdale
Southport
PR8 2HH

If the child was from Scotland you will be able to gain a copy of the death certificate from:

General Register Office for Scotland
New Register House
3 West Register Street
Edingburgh
EH1 3YT
www.gro-scotland.gov.uk
Tel: 0131 334 0380

If the child was from Northern Ireland you will need to contact:

General Register Office
Oxford House
49 Chichester Street
Belfast
BT1 4HL
www.belfastcity.gov.uk
Tel: 028 9032 0202

You may wish that your child has a local burial or cremation abroad. The British Consulate can register the death and a record will be held at the offices above.

However – should you wish that your child be moved to the UK for a cremation or burial, check with the funeral directors on the practicalities and costs, as they can add up with the coffin, embalming and flights. Also check that the cost of repatriation is covered by your travel insurance; if not then you may be liable to cover the costs yourselves.

Before the body will be allowed to be brought home, it will have to be embalmed and also secured into a zinc lined coffin. You will also have to have a full English translation of the death certificate, with written authorisation from the local authorities to remove the body, together with a certificate of embalming.

Another option and a much cheaper one (if your costs are not covered) would be to have a cremation in the country of death and then some countries will allow for the cremated remains to be carried in your hand luggage home; providing it is accompanied with an English translated death certificate and a certificate from the crematorium and in a few cases you may find that you will have to have the remains consular sealed. All this can be checked with the funeral director or the British Consulate as each country will have their own laws and regulations.

Also be aware that many countries will need a signed document from a doctor to confirm that the child was not suffering from a condition that may cause a public risk.

Any funeral director can arrange repatriation but some do specialise with very detailed knowledge of the laws in each country, one we are aware of is Rowland Brothers International – Tel: 0800 917 3585. These companies will then be able to either arrange the funeral for you back in the UK or – transfer the body to a funeral director of your choice.

Funeral trade associations will also be able to advise and help you find a Funeral Director specialising in Repatriation in your area:

National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD)
618 Warwick Road
Solihull
West Midlands
B91 1AA
http://www.nafd.org.uk

Funeral Standards Council (FSC)
30 North Road
Cardiff
CF1 3DY
Tel: 029 2038 2046

Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF)
3 Bullfields
Sawbridgewirth
Hertfordshire
CM21 9DB
Tel: 01279 726777
www.saif.org.uk

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When you get the medical certificate from the Doctor or hospital, ask for the address of the local register office. It will also be listed in the phone book,  or you can search on line,  click here to find your local office. Many register offices only see people by appointment, so it would be advisable to phone before you go and make an appointment if you need to,  otherwise you could be waiting for a long time if you just turn up.

Registering a death takes about half an hour.

Normally the death will have to be registered by a relative, or someone who was with the child when they died,  i.e carer, someone who lived in the same house, an official from the hospital, or the person who is arranging the funeral with the funeral directors.

There are documents that you will need to take to the register office with you. You will need the medical certificate from the Doctor or the hospital, this shows the cause of death and is signed by the doctor. If you can find them, you should also take their birth certificate, although this is not totally necessary. The registrar will also need to know the following details:

• Their full name

• The date and place of birth (town and county if born in the UK and country if born abroad)

• Their last full address

You will also be given a Certificate of Registration of Death (form BD8, also known as a death certificate). This will be needed if your child had any savings accounts or trust funds. You can buy extra copies of the death certificate when you register a death at a small charge.

You may also find help and guidance from the following sites:

Direct Gov – Registering a death

The Citizens Advice Bureau – What to do after a death

The post Registering the death appeared first on A Child of Mine.

Sleep our beautiful angel on your pillow in the sky , Angels are forever so we’ll never say goodbye

So small, so sweet, so soon

Tread carefully, here lies our world

Sleep my beautiful angel on your pillow in the sky, Angels are forever so we’ll never say goodbye

A little flower lent not given, to bud on earth and bloom in heaven

No matter how we spend our lives, no matter what we do, there’s always longing in our hearts for yesterday and you

May you find comfort in the arms of an Angel

Those we love don’t go away they walk beside us every day, unseen, unheard,  but always near, so loved, so missed and so very dear

An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby’s birth, and whispered as she closed the book, too beautiful for earth

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal

A thousand words can’t bring you back, I know because I’ve tried and neither can a million tears, I know because I’ve cried

If every tear we shed for you became a star above, you’d stroll in Angels garden lit by everlasting love

When tomorrow starts without me, try to understand an Angel came called my name then took me by the hand

Our hearts still ache in sadness and secret tears still flow, what it meant to lose you no one will ever know

Those who we have held in our arms for a little while, we hold in our hearts forever

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I’d walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again

Goodbyes are not forever, goodbyes are not the end, they simply mean I miss you until we meet again

You left us beautiful memories, your love is still our guide, though we cannot see you,  you are always by our side

Wherever I go, whatever I do, memories keep me near to you

Although you can’t be here with me, we’re truly not apart, until the final breath I take; you’ll be living in my heart

No farewell words were spoken, no time to say goodbye, you were gone before we knew it and only God knows why

I thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new, I thought about you yesterday and days before that too, I think of you in silence, I often speak your name, all I have is memories and your picture in a frame, your memory is my keepsake, which I’ll never part, God has you in his keeping, I have you in my heart

If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever

Forever young, forever in our hearts

No jewel is as perfect as the innocence of childhood

Sleep my little one, sleep

Ours for a little while

Treasured memories keep you near

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen nor touched but are felt in the heart

Beautiful memories are silently kept of a child we loved and will never forget

You are my angel, my darling – my star….and my love will find you wherever you are

The post Inscriptions for Headstones and Memorial Plaques appeared first on A Child of Mine.

Planning permission is not normally required for a single burial as there is unlikely to be a material change of use, i.e. from a garden to a burial ground. However, If you were to erect a memorial stone or monument on the site then planning permission may be required. We would strongly recommend that you check with your local council’s development control team first before making any decision and get their opinion in writing.

It may also be advisable to ask your solicitor to check that there are no covenants on the deeds to prohibit a burial. You must also consider how long the land may remain in your property as if there were no restrictive covenants in place the new owner with permission of the Home Office could exhume the body and bury it somewhere else – or even they could refuse you access.

You should check with the Environment Agency that the burial will not take place within certain distances of specific types of water however, as long as certain guidelines are followed they should have no objection.

There are certain rules and regulations that you must follow:

The site should be more than 30 metres from any spring or any running or standing water. It should also be more than 10 metres from any ‘dry ditch or field drain.

There should be at least one metre of soil above and below the body after burial.

Electrical and other services must obviously be avoided, and so you may need to contact the gas, electricity and water board to request plans of the land to ensure your own safety.

The person responsible for the burial must obtain a Certificate of Authority for burial from the Registrar of Births & Deaths (or in special circumstances from the Coroner) before the burial takes place; this is routinely issued at the time of the registration of the death

Within 96 hours of the burial, the slip attached to the bottom of the Certificate for Burial or Cremation must be completed (commonly referred to as the green form)  with the date and place of the burial, and returned to the Registrar of Births & Deaths

There is a requirement to record the burial on the deeds to the property,  in accordance with the Registration of Burials Act 1864. A location map must be attached to the deed to confirm the position of the grave and details of the name of the deceased, age, date and place of death should be recorded. This will reduce the potential complication of the Police being called if human remains are discovered during future garden maintenance or building work, and any prospective buyer should have the right to know that someone is buried within the grounds of the property.

If there are any serious infectious disease concerns relating to the deceased person – then you must also inform the local Environmental Health department.

For more information see the Natural Death Centre website at www.naturaldeath.org.uk

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A civil ceremony will be tailored to reflect the wishes of the family and is focused on celebrating the life of the deceased. The person who conducts the ceremony is called a celebrant and will have been trained fully to a professional level.

A civil ceremony gives you the freedom to make choices about the style and content of the Ceremony. You can choose from a variety of readings and include special pieces of special meaning or significance but you can also include items with religious references if you wish. Your celebrant will advise you fully about all of your options and how the service can be presented. You may also want to include other family members or friends in the Ceremony or specific music that you feel is suitable. The Ceremony will be a totally unique,  a tribute and celebration of your child’s life.

The celebrant will usually be found through your funeral director or local Register Office,  however there are also professional bodies mentioned below where you will also be able to search for a local celebrant. The celebrant will normally contact you directly and arrange a convenient time to meet with you and your family. When meeting the bereaved family, the celebrant will explain what is involved and what options are available. During this discussion the family will be asked for as much information as possible about your child.

The celebrant will help you to decide how to arrange and present your choices to create a ceremony which reflects the personality of the deceased and the wishes of the family. This will include a tribute to your child (produced from the information you have provided)  which recounts and celebrates their life and personality.

Association of Independent Celebrants

The AOIC was founded to provide a network of professional, highly trained and reliable Celebrants. It is an organisation that gives its members the chance to join together and support one other, receive recognition from other professions and a group voice to lobby in political campaigns. Above all, the AOIC encourages its members to operate under their own right and with their own individuality.

Focusing on everything that made them unique, the service allows friends and relatives to celebrate the life of the person they have just lost. Sometimes a person’s life or beliefs illustrate the fact that they may feel it more appropriate to have their service created by an Independent Celebrant, rather than one based on dogma or religion. There are no set rules for these Celebrations of Life services. The Celebrant together with family, friends and participants will create exactly the service you want.

The benefit of using a member of the Association of Independent Celebrants is that we have well trained people from many different backgrounds, experts in creating non religious,  semi religious, new age or holistic funeral services.

Visit website

Institute of Civil Funerals

The IOCF train and represent Civil Celebrants who strive to offer a Funeral that’s driven by the wishes, beliefs and values of the deceased and their family, not by the belief or ideology of the person conducting the funeral. Civil Celebrants are happy to include a religious or spiritual dimension in a funeral service, if it would be appropriate.

Visit website

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Initially we would recommend that you speak to the cemetery or churchyard to check what rules they have in place, which may regulate what type of stone can be erected. They can vary quite often from place to place and you will also need to get permission from the cemeteries management before you can put your memorial in place. So do take time to check what restrictions may be put upon you, your stonemason should also be able to assist and advise you too.

It is also useful to know that normally a headstone cannot be laid for around 6 months after a burial. This is just to ensure that the ground has settled and the stone will not tilt or lean. This does not apply however, for a burial of cremation memorials or vases.

When choosing your stonemason we would recommend that they belong to the National Association of Memorial Masons (NAMM) or the British Register of Accredited Memorial Masons (BRAMM). They should be able to give you a wealth of advice on choosing the correct stone for you and ideas on inscriptions and lettering. Do ask for pricing and quotes though, as they will vary greatly depending on your design,  how the lettering is done i.e. hand carved, sandblasted or by machine and the churchyard fees and VAT.

When your final decisions are done for your memorial, do take great care and check all the working and spelling before placing your order and signing. The upkeep and maintenance of the memorial once it is positioned is your responsibility however, most stonemasons now can offer an insurance policy to protect against theft and any damage, we would highly recommend an insurance is taken out; as if your memorial does become unsafe certain steps may be taken to lay it down or even remove it. Your stonemason may also offer an annual maintenance scheme to clean and attend to any minor problems with your stone.

The definitive Guide to Headstones

We have been made aware about a website called the Headstone Guide – it is a site dedicated to choosing a stone and what considerations you need to be mindful of. The purpose of this guide is to help you make a more informed decision without letting your emotions cloud your judgement.

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Memorials by Artists for Young People – Children and Babies

This is a new guide that aims to help families who are facing the extremely hard task of finding a memorial to celebrate the life of their child from before birth to young adult. A great variety of work is shown in stone – slate and wood – from the traditional and classical to unusual and uplifting contemporary work. There are articles offering practical advice on subjects from wording to children’s involvement.

Contact: www.memorialsbyartists.co.uk

Tel: 01728688934

Visit Website

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National Association of Memorial Masons (NAMM)

1 Castle Mews
Rugby
Warwickshire
CV21 2XL
Tel: 01788 542264
Fax: 01788 542276
email: enquiries@namm.org.uk

Visit website

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British Register of Accredited Memorial Masons (BRAMM)

Telphone: 01788 544963
Fax: 01823 253681
Email: bramm@bramm-uk.org
c/o SLCC
8 The Crescent
Taunton
Somerset
TA1 4EA

Visit website

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The following sites are all specialists in children’s headstones and memorials…

Fergus Wessel

Fergus is a letter cutter who specialises in hand carved headstones and fine memorials for children. Having five children himself – he has been touched by the families who have approached him over the years – and he believes that every family deserves a compassionate & personal approach when commissioning a headstone for a child.

Fergus encourages families to be involved in the design of the memorial whenever possible – and will draft and re-draft a design until it perfectly captures the spirit of the child and the sentiments the parents want to convey. This takes time and patience and must not be hurried. Based in the Oxfordshire Cotswolds – just over an hour from London – Fergus encourages visitors to his workshop and has work all over the UK including St Pauls Cathedral.

Fergus Wessel’s Stone Workshop

Spring Cottage

Green Lane

Milton under Wychwood

OX7 6JY

Tel: 07779 294 673

 

Visit website

Gallery of children’s memorials

A video interview with Fergus

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Cremation

Cremation is the process of burning the body which is subsequently reduced to ashes. Cremation is also thought of as being more environmentally friendly than burial and a much cheaper option too. Cremation now accounts for around 70% of funerals in the UK.

At a cremation service, there will be a short ceremony in the chapel at the crematorium, this can be conducted by your vicar,  funeral director or another independent person. The actual cremation takes place very soon after the service where each coffin is cremated separately and the remains kept individually. In most cases, the remains will be ready for collection as soon as the next working day after the funeral although there will be no pressure for you to collect them. Also be aware that in the case of a small baby or stillborn, there maybe little ashes or none at all.

Burial

Burial is more accustomed in the Western world and many religions choose burial over cremation as some frown on or even ban cremation. However – in the UK we do have a big issue now with space; basically we are running out of places to bury people and because of this burial plots are becoming increasingly more e expensive.

If you decide on a burial whether it be a churchyard cemetery or woodland site the grave will always be prepared in advance. If the funeral is a religious service there maybe a service in a church or by the graveside, otherwise the service could be held in the chapel of the cemetery or some other secular venue. Following the service the coffin will be taken to the graveside; not all mourners will wish to be at the actual burial but for those who do a few words will be said at the graveside, this is known as the committal. Following the committal, the coffin will be lowered into the grave and sometimes soil or flowers will be scattered on top of the coffin. After the burial it is normal to have a gathering of the mourners, this is known as awake.

We have come across a page from Tameside Council,  it details a list of frequently asked questions concerning burials and cremations, you may find it interesting and it may answer some of your questions. Click here to visit the page. Most councils will have a list of FAQ’s on their websites regarding cremation and burials; you will find it by searching through their Bereavement Services section.

You may also find further information at the ICCM (Institute of Cemetery and Crematorium Management) whose aim is to raise standards of services to the bereaved by providing professionals – authorities and companies with policy and best practice guidance and educational and training programmes.

Click here to visit the ICCM website where you can download their Charter for the Bereaved.

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