“In my role I cannot bring the child back or turn back the clock or even answer the family question I hear repeatedly, “why us?” but I always realise that no family, death or circumstances are ever the same and that we only have one chance to get this right for the bereaved family as these are the last treasured moments and memories they have with their beautiful children. “
Faye
I work at the Royal Manchester Children’s Hospital as a family support and bereavement practitioner. I am passionate around bereavement support and care and how important it us for us to have conversations around death and dying and the fact that yes, sadly children die too. We deal with around 60 child deaths here a year at RMCH.
Part of my role is to be the keyworker for families following the death of their child from death to inquest, supporting, signposting and referring families and siblings to services they may need following the death of their child. Part of my role is to arrange for the family to visit their child in hospital within the paediatric mortuary and facilitate this for the family. I complete memory making of hand and footprints from their child on canvases for the family and hand casts if appropriate. I feel very much humbled and honoured to be involved in this part of the family’s journey.
The family love to have the prints and hand casts as they are such a personal and identifiable part of their child and the journey they had.
Just before Covid came along I was working with a family who had come in via our emergency paediatric department A and E. there had been a tragic car accident involving two siblings and one the eldest aged 9 unfortunately could not be saved.
I became the keyworker for the family and remember meeting them in A and E and the raw grief that the family were suddenly struck with, it was a very wet rainy day in Manchester with adverse conditions. The family were very close, and grandparents also made their way to A and E.
After speaking with the family and explaining my role and ensuring they had all the information they needed before I spoke with them the next day, they left the department with their youngest child who had escaped with cuts and bruises.
I spoke with mum the following day and she decided they wanted to come and see their little boy with grandma, grandad her brother and the sibling. Mum was worried about seeing her little boy as she was not sure what to expect, what will he look like? I am scared but I want to see him so much. I reassured mum and we spoke about what he liked and if he had a favourite toy mum would like to bring in for him. During the conversation mum and I spoke about bringing some of his favourite pyjamas in to change into and some of his favourite toys and as a keen Lego fan some of the recent models he had made. I explained that they could all stay with him. Mum asked me around where her little boy was and I explained that he was safe with us in the paediatric mortuary, mum told me very upset, “he is afraid of the dark and has the lamp on at home, I think he will be feeling frightened,” after a moment I said do you have a little torch or night light you could maybe bring this may help him.
When the family arrived the next day mum came with his favourite pyjamas, Lego models, cuddly toys and in her hand was a small torch. I asked mum if she would like to place the torch in his hand and this meant so much to her as it made her feel that he was feeling safe with his little light to shine if he wanted it.
Mum lay out his favourite toys around him and the family spent with him and came back for two subsequent visits before he left us for the funeral directors. On following visits grandad brought with him his favourite mints and placed them in his other hand.
In my role I cannot bring the child back or turn back the clock or even answer the family question I hear repeatedly, “why us?” but I always realise that no family, death or circumstances are ever the same and that we only have one chance to get this right for the bereaved family as these are the last treasured moments and memories they have with their beautiful children.
#nationalbereavedparentsday2021 #achildofmine #keepingtheirmemoryalive #NBPD21 #acom